


finding freedom

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Suburra - La Serie | Suburra: Blood on Rome (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Not Beta Read, Sad, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-06 23:31:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17949269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: Samurai had taken everything from him, everything except that one, small thing that still belonged only to Lele.





	finding freedom

**Author's Note:**

> Finished watching season 2 of Suburra yesterday and I still can't get over it, so here we go.   
> English is not my first language, I apologize for any mistakes!

 

Lele looked into the mirror and took a deep, painful breath, his bruised body and broken ribs screaming and telling him to lay down, to rest, to go to the fucking hospital.

But he didn't care anymore. He just wanted to come clean. Be judged, get what he deserved, maybe spend his life in prison. He would take that kind of freedom over that shit piece of life he was having now.

Lele was tired. Just like that.

He just wanted it all to end, but minutes later Cristina was pointing a gun at him and once again he realized that nothing could ever be easy for him.

 

* * *

 

Maybe it all started when he was a kid, a small boy who didn't understand why his mom had left him. Maybe he blamed himself, somehow, and his father- his kind, caring dad- couldn't find words to explain it to him.

It was a thorn, a reason for that constant, throbbing pain somewhere deep in Lele's chest, but he learned how to ignore it, how to pretend that it wasn't there, pretend that everything was okay.

 

He didn't start dealing because he wanted to be important, or be someone in Roma's dark world. He just wanted to do something thrilling, something stupid, to get money, to do something against his so perfect father, who still couldn't find proper words to get into Lele's head.

And Lele enjoyed it, he enjoyed that life, messy and imperfect, but his.

And then, suddenly, his life was belonging to someone else.

 

* * *

 

He didn't really think about it.

Aureliano and Spadino looked at him with distance in their eyes, and Lele couldn't blame them. Lele hated himself too, and he didn't need their forgiveness, and he knew he couldn't demand it, especially not from Aureliano.

He had killed his father, and Mara, and was the reason why how own father was dead. Because he was so goddamn weak and afraid, and scared for his own meaningless life.

Every cell in his body was screaming with pain, and he was so exhausted he didn't know how he was still able to stand. It felt like ages ago, when they had met for the first time, two criminals, and him, a cop's son who could have everything he wanted, but who somehow wasted his youth and found himself trapped in a place with no way out.

Samurai had taken everything from him, except that one, small thing that still belonged only to Lele.

The gun was a familiar weight in his hand and Lele almost smiled when he took it out.

He didn't have to think about it.

There was no god in Rome, Lele knew that oh so well. But he hoped that maybe someone, somehow, would let him see his father, just for a moment, just so he could tell him that he was sorry. And that he loved him.

Aureliano and Spadino's eyes went wide, and Lele could see how they were trying to understand what he was going to do. They would stop him, and they would help him, and they would talk and be a family.

But Lele didn't want that, anymore.

He was so, so tired.

So he didn't give them a chance.

The moment Gabriele Marchilli pulled the trigger, he was belonging only to himself.

 

Now, he is free.

 


End file.
